I’m not sure what to do with the emotional energy that comes about as the result of a betrayal perpetrated on me.
There are the hurt feelings, the wish for revenge, and the desire to scream out how ridiculous this situation is. I want a confrontation; I want the chance to tell others how I feel about this awful situation.
I can’t do it. It would cause a rift in this family, the likes of which could damage us. This is about people that I love unconditionally. They are doing what they learned to do in their childhood. I saw this behavior in my husband, but he quickly obliterated it from his repertoire.
There is this human thing about wanting to be better than others. It is a reason why racism is still rampant in this country: there must be someone that is less than us, there must be someone that we can disparage. As humans, we just want that chance to be on top.
There is this other filthy habit, called gossiping. When it is combined with our need to be better than others, it can be deadly. People who have been taught to gossip can and will unashamedly talk in nasty ways about someone they know. This is something they must do in the dark, they cannot and do not dare to say ugly things to the person’s face.
Therein lies the sadness and betrayal. This activity that the perp engages in must be done in secret, in the dark. This way, the untruth of the gossip and the necessary superiority gets to grow like a bacterial infection.
The more it is expressed, the more real it becomes, but only to the perps, not to anyone else.
This is the basis of separation between you and I. When you express your dislike for me and your disregard for others, you are separating yourself from me and mine.
Perhaps that is the goal of such communication. You stand there in your (holier than thou) enclave, gated in your community, doing for yourself and no other.